How to Have and Eating Disorder

If you’d like to have an eating disorder, I’ll tell you what it takes to make it happen. There’s more than one way to get there, but many start with similar ingredients. One common piece across most eating disorders is simple: low self-worth. If you have this already, then keep reading. It gets worse.

Have you had loved ones tell you about your body, maybe commenting on your weight or tell you you’re “developing?” Or maybe they comment on the food on your plate every holiday.

Do you look at the media and see only one body type, and find yourself questioning if you measure up?

Or maybe food has been the one constant in your life, the one thing you can count on. You enjoy good food and perhaps it’s the only thing you’ve ever known will always make you feel better. It brings comfort and solace. Maybe this is because you’ve never had emotionally present parents. Or perhaps you had an abuser buy your silence by taking you out for something special to eat.

Perhaps everything in your life is out of your hands and you are desperate to take control of something, anything. You are looking around, frantic to find a way to feel like you have a voice in your own life. And the only thing you can find is food. You can decide what, when, and if you eat.

Have you always enjoyed moving your body? Perhaps you’re a dancer or you’ve always played sports. Or maybe you got into exercise for another reason. And you have a genuine love for it. You feel lighter and freer after a workout. Or perhaps the workout itself is an incredibly mindful experience for you. If you make this the focal point around which you plan your days, then you could well be on your way to your very own eating disorder.

If you can relate to any or all of the above, you may well be on your way. But wait, there’s more. Let me tell you about all the things you will give up if you develop an eating disorder. You may be in a dark place now, but an eating disorder can dig that hole much deeper than you imagine.

First, your relationships will change. Yes, you may get noticed more at first, and it may seem that people find you more likable. But the deeper you go into the eating disorder, the less you will connect with others. You’ll have less energy for social interactions, you’ll have more difficulty focusing on your relationships because your brain will be consumed with thoughts of food and exercise. Life may begin to feel foggy and you’ll realize you don’t remember things as well as you used to. And as time goes on, it becomes increasingly difficult to hide an eating disorder from those you’re close to. So you’ll pull away, even if you don’t realize it. Before you know it, you’re isolated, and your only companion is that vile eating disorder.

You may think you have low self-worth now, but just wait. It gets SO much worse. The more you mistreat your body and tell yourself that you are undeserving, the more you’ll absolutely hate yourself. Your days will be consumed by self-criticism, and mirrors will become your worst enemy. And no matter what, your eating disorder will never be satisfied, leaving you with a perpetual sense of failure.

Perhaps you’re familiar with the idea that eating disorders are about vanity. While some eating disorders may include a desire to look a certain way, it is not out of a belief that one is better than others or because they’re super into their looks. It comes from a place of deeply held insecurity. A surprising twist for many is that eating disorders can affect your appearance in a variety of ways. You may find that you’re losing your hair and that it gets brittle and thin. You may also get very fine hair (called lanugo) on your body in places you’ve never had it before. Your skin may become dry and pale.

And your physical health may fail. You can develop osteopenia and later osteoporosis, even if you’re young, making it much easier to fracture or break your bones. Parts of your body may swell, and your joints may start to ache. As you lose muscle, you’ll find that you’re weaker and weaker. Because food is fuel, you’ll feel your energy get depleted. You’ll feel cold, even though others are just fine, and you may become constipated. You could begin to deal with lightheadedness, and may even faint. And if things get bad enough, the eating disorder could cause seizures.

An eating disorder will tear your life apart and rip you to shreds. It will take away any sense of identity you may have had, and leave you feeling as though you are a hollow shell. And if you follow it down into the deepest point of darkness, climbing back out will be one of the hardest things you ever do. But recovering from an eating disorder, no matter how difficult, will absolutely be the best decision you could possibly make.

If you still want an eating disorder, let me tell you from my personal experience: 10/10 would not recommend.

Disclaimer: None of this is intended as advice to develop an eating disorder, but rather is a satirical description of the hellish experience of living with this disorder. Please don’t go down this path, and if you think you’re already heading that way, please reach out for help. There are amazing therapists, dietitians and doctors who specialize in eating disorders that would love to help you on your journey of recovery.